Tuesday, March 9, 2010

"Soul" Food Mondays || Forgiving Yourself and Others

Forgiving others. Forgiving you.

1. Unforgiveness eats away at the unforgiver. How does it feel when you don't let go of the wrong another person has done to you? It doesn't feel good, right? Your heart builds up anger, hurt, resentment, and maybe even revenge. The thought of that "wrong" just irritates you to the core. So what good is it to hold onto it? What benefit do you get? Let go. Don't stay trapped in the past.

2. Forgiving others. It's easier said than done until you realize this: We have ALL messed up in the past. None of us are perfect. We are all human, and humans can do some pretty messed up things when we submit to temptation. "But, Loo. I would've never done what she did to me." Yes, but are you without transgressions? Is your own past immaculate? Rather than focusing on how big this "wrong" is, realize that withholding forgiveness not only hurts that person, but hurts you. It prevents you from moving forward. It prevents you from healing. Forgiveness does not mean accepting the "wrong" a person has done to you. Forgiveness means relinguishing those feelings of resentment and revenge. In order to do that, you must first realize that we have all messed up at one time or another AND were given second chances at one time or another.

3. Forgiving yourself. This can be just as hard, if not harder, than forgiving others; after all, you have to see and deal with yourself daily. Again, understand that none of us are without transgressions. You are not an imperfect soul in a perfect world. We are all imperfect and this is an imperfect world. You should give yourself credit for realizing the wrong you have committed and wanting to change. That takes humility and courage -- two admirable qualities that are rare in this world. So stop there. Don't blame yourself any further for the past. Learn. Move forward. Evolve.

4. This day forward.
a)In the case of forgiving others, moving forward may include reconcilation. Reconcilation is about restoring the broken relationship and is a process in itself. True reconcilation can only happen when 1) the person who wronged you is genuinely remorseful and willing to change, 2) when you have wholeheartedly forgiven that person, and 3) when restoring the relationship is for the better. What do I mean in the latter case? Well, if you and your fiance are simply not right for each other, it will not do you both any good to restore your engagement. However, you two can potentially work on being friends.
b)In the case of forgiving yourself, moving forward includes changing your ways. Ensure that the wrong of the past does not repeat itself in the future. This day forward is a process of renewal. Renewing the mind. Renewing your life. Eliminating bad habits which control you. Incorporating new habits directed at improving you. Striving to do better and be better.

"The Bait of Satan: Your Response Determines Your Future." Revere, John.

No comments: